i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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