its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
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threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
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AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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