I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
