This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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