I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
