i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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