my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
