if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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