Don't make out with my wife yet
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
