Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
