those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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