all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
