it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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