my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
