Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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