smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
