I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
