got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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