never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
