Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
