But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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