i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
