im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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