Well douche your snatch and let's go!
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
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Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
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On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize