that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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