mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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