# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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