he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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