Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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