the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Someone came in the potted fern
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
