fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My feet surprised me
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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