herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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