You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
