Your tits are I can't wait for
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
