yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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