He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
