I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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