Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
this beer tastes like vomit already
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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