If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
