It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
