Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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