I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
