dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
and she was petting her beer can
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
