I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My penis needs a shock collar
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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