I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
