I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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