I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
