so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
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I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
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Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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