You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
it's like iHOP with fire
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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