I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
