its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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