Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
