You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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