i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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