Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
