You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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