i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
