Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
