At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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