Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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