I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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