ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
