Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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