is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
