woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
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