i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
