My girlfriend figured out who you are.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize