i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
